TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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