probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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