why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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