i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
