There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
