The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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