Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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