I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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