Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
