when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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