Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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