I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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