dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
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you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
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Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.