So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
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his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me