I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.