I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex