Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore