Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
