I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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