I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
