i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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