he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
