So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
