when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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