I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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