White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
