in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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