That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
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i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
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Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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