i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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