Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
