I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
