I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
