oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
