Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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