shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
