I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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