So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
