hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
