Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
