I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
