the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
