yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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