I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
