Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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