If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
we should paint friendship bongs
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
