I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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