i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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