Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
