Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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