i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
