dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
