hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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