Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
