He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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