remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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