we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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