I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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