guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
