I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
