Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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