I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
