Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
