Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
