Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize