I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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