I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
