Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
