Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
