There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I'm really busy with my period
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