Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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