I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
