My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
